“I was beautiful when I woke up sleepy eyed and tangled in your sheets every Tuesday. I was beautiful with my hair wet and mascara pooled around my eyes. I was beautiful laughing with your mother and I was beautiful with the car windows rolled down driving us home from the city. I was even beautiful when my cheeks were red and my eyes heavy with the burden of holding back tears, hauling out my things in boxes and trash bags while you sat and watched. It was you that was ugly. It was you with your deceit, weaving promises with your loneliness, blanketing me in it and kissing my cheek good night. You taught me a lot of things that winter, the coldest of which was that love doesn’t always sprout from pure places. Some people love like lotus flowers, blossoming in even the murkiest of waters. Some people love like venus flytraps, hungry and feeding on wings. It was not my fault for flying by.”—“It Was Not My Fault" by Stevie Lorann (via larmoyante)
“When someone tells you, “I love you,” and then you feel, “Oh, I must be worthy after all,” that’s an illusion. That’s not true. Or someone says, “I hate you,” and you think, “Oh, God, I knew it; I’m not very worthy,” that’s not true either. Neither one of these thoughts hold any intrinsic reality. They are an overlay. When someone says, “I love you,” he is telling you about himself, not you. When someone says, “I hate you,” she is telling you about herself, not you. World views are self views—literally.”—Adyashanti (via rainydaysandblankets)
Suddenly feeling so fucking depressed about myself right now. Fuck doing past year papers haha it always serves to remind me how much I actually don’t know or how careless I am. Just gonna go curl up in my bed now and bury myself in my pillows and sleep. Fuck Asian standards of academic perfection.
Tomorrow I will go the the market and grocery shop and then I will dye my hair in the afternoon and the day will be fucking fabulous, I swear.
“Millions of people have decided not be sensitive. They have grown thick skins around themselves just to avoid being hurt by anybody. But it is at great cost. Nobody can hurt them, but nobody can make them happy either.”—Osho (via profaux)
I can’t believe I was out that night having fun and I totally forgot about my friend who was supposedly one of my closest friends in highschool 6 months ago, and I didn’t invite her along to meet all the others. Like I forgot all about her till I posted a photo about that night and everyone else was also posting photos and I only realised she wasn’t there when she commented on my photo - and Oh my god I am the shittiest ever friend to walk on this planet earth
I guess the reason why I feel so bad is cause I know what its like to feel super left out by friends, and I never want any friend of mine to feel like that, but I guess I blew it. And this probably also stems from the insecurity that if I don’t somehow please everyone, they will hate me and shit like that. I’m just terrified of being bitched about behind peoples backs, I’d really like to believe the best of humankind and my friends and people who know me, but lets face it 95% of people are fault finders and at some point they’re gonna gossip about you or talk shit behind your back and there’s nothing you can do about it but be yourself
But just what I feel just makes things so much worse is that fact that could have prevented it but I didn’t and I don’t want anyone to have personal grudges against me :( :( :(
This basically comes to the root of insecurity about acceptance and idk man someone psychoanalyse me but all I know is that I feel like if I don’t somehow do things or act a certain way so people are happy, and happy with me, I’ll end up hated and the hate will spread from one person to another till in the end everybody is talking shit about me behind my back and I end up outcasted and alone with no friends crying by the roadside while the bus splashes mud on me as it drives by